Mental Health... and Why I Think it's Important, Especially Now (2020)!

(Hate has no home anywhere!!)

Ok, I figured I would get into this a little bit, cause a little earlier today, I was out on my balcony, and I noticed a crowd of people hanging out at the Safeway across the street from me. There was about 10 of them... and something I've noticed about the area recently, is that there are a lot of drug users and shit coming into the area... and they are doing drugs right out in the open... wherever and whenever, could be broad daylight, could be in the evening. With the recent going-on's in the world (you know, the pandemic and shit), and everyone being affected by these things... our provincial government decided to defund the safe injection sites in the area... and now there are an influx of drug users in the area... and it is really fuckin sad... cause these people used to have somewhere safe to go, and now they are doing it wherever and whenever... and they are not getting at least some of the help that they need, and likely there are gonna be overdoses and people dying in the street in the area... now you would think the government would have kept them open, being that, right now... and especially right now, that there is a lot of stress and a lot of people suffering in the mental health department, which would lead to more people using... so you think it would be logical to keep things open, so people don't fucking die unnecessarily!

So, I'm gonna say here again, drug use... is a mental health issue! Generally, people use, cause they have an underlying mental illness that they are trying to cope with, or... they have deep seated trauma, that they don't know how to deal with, and once again... try to cope by using drugs. I could get into some commentary on why I think we should legalize all drugs, but that is maybe something I'll get into another time. But, what I'm getting at is... if these people learnt better ways to cope... without the use of street drugs, but proper counselling and maybe medication of some kind (if there is a mental illness involved)... I think that most if not all drug addiction issues would be solved! If we deal with drug addiction as a mental health issue, rather than an addiction issue... that the government thinks should be criminalized, I think society and humanity would be in a way better place, cause these people would have tools and proper coping techniques that will keep them away from using street drugs.

I also want to mention here, that I do think that racism, and hate... is a mental health issue as well. Think about all the time and energy someone puts into being hateful and angry at someone who has a different cultural background than themselves. They aren't happy. They have not found inner peace. They feel that they need to spread their hatred and anger. They feel that people of other cultural backgrounds should not live... some people are so angry that, they want, or are willing to take another persons life, because they are from a different culture, or are a person of color, or whatever. That, is a mental issue... and ultimately that boils down to a mental health issue.

So, once again I'm going to mention here, my music endeavor Twitch... we are trying to raise funds for the Mental Health Research Canada charity... so if you want to support this cause, in helping better research when it comes to mental health... and finding better ways to cope... from July 10th/2020 to August 7th/2020 we will be donating all album sales on our Bandcamp here to the Mental Health Research Canada charity! You can find more info about them here! 

We hope you consider supporting this great cause, and hey... I mean you'll get some great music out of it!!

Stay safe folks!

Are you going to sit by and watch it fall apart..? Or are you gonna get up and do something about it..?

I'm listening to this track by the band Darker Days Tomorrow... from my understanding their philosophy on life and society was that they would rather not participate in the world, and would rather watch it fall apart. The track, I love the way it sounds from a musical and sound design aspect, but I never really understood why they believe in that philosophy of not participating in society, and just letting things fall apart. I mean, if you are not participating, and trying to make things better for everyone... at least, I think, you are a part of the problem. We already have enough obstacles in life, why not be a part of the solution? Life really is too short, and I think if we can make it better for everyone, why the fuck not?? I mean sure it takes energy and time to help others, but if your position is, that you'd rather sit and watch it fall apart, and not participate, I mean truthfully, you've already made your decision, and don't value human life or society... and if that is the reasoning, why even bother doing anything, including music... I mean even that act, creating music, truthfully you are already bringing value to society and your communities... cause music and art is a necessity for our psychology. I guess ultimately, whether they know it or not, they've already created value by creating music and art. So in a way they are being hypocritical, but once again, unknowingly doing something positive.

Anyway, what are your thoughts on this?

Missing the Club, the Scene, the Connected nature of being together in one place for the purpose of socialization and celebration...

(Can't remember what show this was, but yeah, enjoying being with friends)

Well, as you may have guessed from that long title, I really miss the club, going out and dancing, going to shows/concerts all that kind of shit! I miss the connected nature of being in one place to socialize and celebrate with friends, to have debates and discussions, and even being able to really show our friends our love for them, by giving them a hug, a pat on the shoulder, a handshake... all that kind of shit. I have been connecting with friends via video chat and such like that, I've also participated in live streaming Goth/Industrial DJ events, even watched live stream performance stuff too... but even though we can still connect that way, it's not the same as being present, being able to physically give someone a hug, being able to strike up a conversation with a complete stranger, or even someone new to the scene... I love the culture, of being able to go to a club or show, and being able to converse, celebrate, debate, dance, watch bands perform, all that kind of shit. I love being with like-minded people, or people of my kind, I love the community... even when not knowing someone, realizing that they are there, and they are a part of the same community, even though their participation in events and shows may not be the same as another person, just the fact that they are there... they show their support for the community/scene, and their similar interest. I miss the solace of hearing loud music, being able to dance, and being with my people! I know I've mentioned this in an Instagram post I made within the last week and a half or so, but I know some of you folks that follow this blog don't follow Twitch on Instagram, so I figured I would kind of post those thoughts here as well, and kind of expand on them.

The one thing about humanity is our social nature, as a human in order to survive, we need to communicate, we need to be connected to others... whether that was talking, or showing each other physical affection. Some people can go for a long time isolated, others not so... I know for myself, I don't do very well with lack of social contact, I suffer a lot mentally, when I can't connect with friends socially and physically connecting. I am an extrovert... so self-isolation is very tough for me, but even that being the case, I've dealt with isolation, and kind of being forced into isolation for a very long time... at least the last 20 years or so. Obviously, I haven't been isolated for that entire time span, but there have been stints of spending a month or month and a half, not talking to anyone (including family), outside of going to the grocery store and chatting very quickly with the cashier or whatever (but that really isn't socialization, that is a transaction, and them making sure I got everything I needed on my list)...

...I will say this time around, it's not as bad as I initially thought this whole self-isolation thing was going to be... yes, it sucks, but being that I have spent a lot of time kind of being forced into isolation... I feel that I'm so used to it now, that it's not such a big deal... now that I look at this whole situation, and my past issues with being forced into isolation... if I wasn't forced into isolation, my first album wouldn't have been written... and the albums after, would not have been written either... when my second album "We Are Here To Dance!" was being written, before I really started to hunker down and work on it... I ended up getting into trouble mentally... but after I started to deal with the mental side... I realized that I needed to work on my music, so in order to cope, I picked a day a week that I would specifically work on music, no matter how I felt (happens to be every Saturday... still is too)! That really helped...

(Friday The 13th, May BLACKOUT! Show)

...Eventually, I would run into more mental health trouble while working on "TCP/IP" and it wasn't so much the writing part that I wasn't focusing on... I was spending every Saturday working on it, but I started to realize that it was time to start working on doing live shows (I hadn't done one yet, and I realized it was something that I have to do)... eventually I did my first live show, and that helped mentally... I actually found inspiration for the album after that, "Welcome"! Of course... before I released "Welcome", I ended up running into mental health problems again... but this time, I eventually realized that I need to be consistent in live shows... I hadn't done another one, since that first one in 2004 for "TCP/IP"... I also held off on finishing "Welcome" cause I was on the search for a guitarist for writing purposes to help me finish the album, and also help out in the live show department, but I could not find one (and there were a lot of flakes... [talk the talk, but don't walk the walk]), then after having a conversation with an old friend and guitarist who did guitars on Twitch's first "Self-Titled" release (1999), and them taking a listen to the album, they figured that there was nothing that was needed on the album... long story short, I did all the guitars myself... and that was enough for the album. So, I eventually released "Welcome" after that friend suggested what was on the album was enough... and with me holding on to this idea that I wanted to perform live, and do it consistently, cause I realized that that was a necessity for me (to stay mentally healthy), as well as consistently writing music... I eventually found people who wanted to be a part of Twitch's live show, and it was 2012 that I eventually ended up starting to play live more consistently... and ever since then, I realized these are things that, well... I have to do in order to maintain my mental health... all of this was born out of isolation. If the forced isolation hadn't happened, I wouldn't have realized any of this...

(Standalone at Terminus)

...So, that brings me back full circle, we as a human species will have to get through this, obviously our normal will look different, but at some point we are gonna need to reconnect... our connection to others comes from being present with others in the same room... but I will also say, I am doing fairly well mentally right now, through all the years, I am realizing, this has been a theme, throughout my life, and I guess, even though it's kind of shitty, I'm getting used to being isolated, even though I'm extroverted... generally good things have eventually come out of the forced isolation (although, it has usually been from a spout of not being healthy mentally, and then eventually realizing there are certain things I need to do, in order to cope and be mentally healthy), aaand I've got alternatives for now, for what I can do to mitigate that isolated feeling... regarding doing shows, and doing music related, or music things, as well as all the other creative shit that I do!

So, yeah... I'm missing the community, I'm missing my friends, I miss the physical connection, I miss the hugs, handshakes, pats on the back, the conversations, the dancing, the live shows... all of it... and I do think it is important, that after this gets sorted out, we throw a party, a very big, let the fuckin city/country/world/universe know that any and every fuckin obstacle will be overcome party! Cause I will need it, and you need it, and they need it, we all fuckin need it!! We need to celebrate, and we need to reconnect!

Your Canadian Goth / Rivethead,
Shayne "Daemon_w60" Lawrence / Twitch


P.S.: We are having a "Self-Isolation Living Room Dance Party" Live Stream performance on our Twitch Facebook page here on Thursday, April 16th / 2020 at 7pm! I would love it if we could connect there, until this shit gets sorted!

Here's the event page for details!

Love ya!!

Self-Isolation and De-Stressing

(Let your hair out and headbang!! Short hair? Who cares... do it anyway!! 😜)

In my last video (here), I had a little bit of a dance party in my living room, it was a solo dance party, but a dance party none-the-less... so I wanted to talk about a couple of tips that you can use to de-stress and you know... not take shit too seriously... so, here they are:

Tip 1: This tip is probably the most obvious tip... have a dance party in your living room, with your partner, or if you are self-isolating, or quarantining... a solo-dance party... yeah, that's right! Break out the tunes, turn them up a little bit and dance your ass off!! The key here is to have fun!

Tip 2: Learn something new... if you are not currently working, due to the virus, it is a great time to use online learning tools, like Lynda.com to educate yourself and learn something new. For instance; music production techniques (you can find a lot of these on Youtube too), or how to use the Microsoft Office Suites (this is a great way to expand your knowledge of the tools typically used in an office environment to write letters, or send emails, or keep track of budgets, or do desktop publishing, all kinds of shit)... there is a lot of good things out there to learn and to keep your mind active!

Tip 3: Work-out / Exercise: This one is key, working out can relieve stress and improve your overall health! Hey, you get bigger muscles out of it too!

Tip 4: Going out for walks is a great way to get outside and get a breath of fresh air, and sometimes getting out of your creative space, or work space, can really reset and refresh your mind, and you can come from a different head space and refocus on whatever you are working on!

Tip 5: This one people really don't do enough, or at all... Meditate... spending time to meditate can really clear your mind, or even help you focus on the important things and what the next steps are that you need to take in your creative, work, or other endeavors! Even just resetting and refreshing your mind... can do wonders... your mind will be clearer, you will feel more relaxed and ready to take on the next challenges (whether work, creative, or next steps to reach your goals)!

Tip 6: Something else that may help you is... get creative! If you are an artist, musician, or some kind of creative... write a song, write an album, paint, draw... really express what is going on inside you right now... getting those things out will help you cope with what is currently going on!!

Tip 7: Watch a movie or TV show... yeah, we need escapes sometimes!

Tip 8: Play a game; whether it's board games, video/computer games, card games, whatever...

Tip 9: Read something; whether it's a fictional book, a comic book, something educational... or what have you!!

I think I'll leave things off here, there's a lot of tips you can utilize here... I mean these will get you started to de-stressing and not worry about what is currently going on!

I will make a note here; it is very important for you folks to remember, life is waaay to short for bullshit... and despite what is going on right now, I would say putting things in place for you to possibly have a better future after we get through this whole situation is probably the best thing you can do right now!

I do believe we will make it through this!

Stay positive people! Love ya!!

EDIT: I forgot one tip to add to this...

Tip 10: Feeling lonely? Call/FaceTime/Skype/Zoom/Facebook Video Chat with your friends and family. Yes, we have to stay isolated, but that doesn't mean we can't share a call or video chat with friends and family!

Twitch, COVID19 & Plans!

Well, I thought it would be better if I write this down… Obviously we all know the situation… it’s good to minimize contact with other humans right now… if you are gonna be around people, make sure it’s small numbers… not huge gatherings, if you can self-isolate… even better. As some of you folks know, if you watched the most recent video we made here! As well as previous videos about isolation… it is very tough for me to be in isolation… I deal with it a lot, have dealt with it a lot over the last… well we’ll just say, there’s been plenty of times that I’ve been forced into isolation, due to not being able to get out with friends, because they are too busy doing other things, or doing their own thing, or whatever, so I’ve spent a lot of time alone. I will say though, if it wasn’t for this “forced” isolation, I wouldn’t have written the first “Self-Titled” Twitch album… Twitch wouldn’t exist if it hadn’t been for that, and now I can say with confidence, that Twitch has existed for 20ish years (we turn 21 this year), and most bands can’t say that! I will also say… being that that has also been the case over the years, I have, what my friends like to call it “workaholic” ethic when it comes to my music endeavor, but in a positive way (not to the point where I’m unhealthy because of it)! So, on that note… You’ll hear some of this and see some of this on our social channels, though blog posts like this, or YouTube, Facebook, or Instagram… and I’m telling you what the plan is here… we are waiting on a couple details (artwork) and just sorting out set-lists for preparation of potential live shows, in support of this album. If things don’t work out in our favor and it is recommended that we have to self-isolate for much longer, we are preparing for live stream performances on Facebook or other platforms (if there is a better way to do it) for people to watch in support of this album!   …I’m not sure the logistics quite yet of the album, I think we’ll be keeping it completely and strictly digital! That is the way the world is moving… and I figure for us that is the best way in going about in distributing Twitch…

...So, on that note, even though this situation seems to be bleak (I truly don’t think it is), and there are opportunities for us and other humans to reach out, and help others…. Whether that’s facetiming/skyping/ or video chat with your friends if they are quarantined or are self-isolating! Stay safe people! Do what you can, and if you are feeling isolated, definitely reach out and chat with friends online through text, and if you are like me who needs some kind of human contact, do facetime/skype, they may not be there physically, but you can still chat and maybe have a beer with them in a virtual space or video chat!! Even me people, if you want to have a video chat, let me know… I’ll definitely be there for you!! Love you folks, once again stay stafe… sometimes we are thrown these curveballs, but remain positive we have survived worse!!

Love your Canadian Goth | Rivethead,

Shayne “Daemon_w60” Lawrence / Twitch

P.S.: I’m gonna try to write or video once a day and post those up on the various social platforms to keep you positive and thinking about ways you can get around isolation… and some of the tips I have used and such in the past, to get you started, here’s a blog with some tips regarding isolation here!

Embracing The Isolation

Well, while I was in the middle of writing one blog, I was inspired to write this one… Right now, I feel sooo motivated! In my musical and other creative endeavors… what inspired me this time was, well… my current situation… I’ve been feeling a little on edge lately, there’s a lot I want to do in life, and I’ve been feeling isolated lately, and unfortunately, it’s a forced isolation… I don’t really have a choice in it, it’s partially due to just not being able to get together with friends as much as I would like to, it’s also due to some goals I want to reach monetarily, and just not being able to get out to events that I want to due to the funds being allocated to something else. Normally, I would be a little stressed about this, because I’m a very social person, but as of lately, I’ve started to embrace this forced isolation as an opportunity to work on my creative endeavors and get ahead in that sense! I will tell you, after living in this city for as long as I have (21ish years), I’ve started to realize that isolation is a normal everyday thing in this city… I’m coming to expect it… Something that you may not know, is my first “Self-titled” album, that album I was dealing with my first, but once again, a forced isolation, I was so depressed and that album was pretty much born out of that isolation. As I stated above, I’m coming to expect it here, and after all my time here, I’m starting to embrace it… I don’t get to hang with people as much as I would like, I’ve put in a lot of effort in maintaining the relationships that I do have, and unfortunately what I currently have is not enough for me. However, despite that, I’ve put in a lot of effort trying to have some kind of semblance of a social life, but the results of all that effort, well… I’m still struggling to actually have a social life… but as of lately (as stated above), I’m starting to embrace the isolation, and I’m using that time that I would “normally” be out socializing, to work on my creative endeavors… and I’m finding it highly motivating… of course this is only temporary, until I can figure out how to actually get out of this city, but for now I’m embracing the isolation, and getting ahead on my creative endeavors! I may have another album lined up as well, lol... (There’s the one we are releasing soonish, I’ve got some themes for the one after, as well as the one after that one… they even have names now)! No rest for the wicked!



Here’s some tips for people who are isolated, to help you break up, or make use of a forced isolation:

1. Get Creative; If you are isolated but it’s a forced isolation (no choice), work on your creative endeavors (write music, draw, paint, write… whatever it is)!

2. Learn something new; learn a new skill, maybe pick up and teach yourself how to play guitar, or whatever instrument you are interested in learning that you have access to. Or teach yourself new drawing or painting techniques!

3. Another tip to get out and be semi-social: Head to your local coffee shop and work on your creative endeavors there (if possible), for instance when I feel I need to be around people, and friends aren't available to do stuff, I will go to a coffee shop and write new music on my laptop, or write lyrics, or even just get out some ideas of where I would like to go creatively for the next release. I mean, there’s a multitude of other things you can do, take a sketchbook with you and draw, or plot out your ideas for your next painting.

4. OR, it doesn’t have to be a coffee shop, it could be a pub or bar… sit in your own booth or seat and work on things there (Although I would say, careful not to spill your beer on your shit, cause that could ruin whatever you’re working on… especially a laptop [can’t exactly recover very well when the internals of a laptop are soaked in beer])…

Other things you can do, just for general mental health;

5. Go for walks. Getting out for a fresh breath of air and clearing your head-space can be really helpful when you are not able to hang with friends, and you can really come back with a clear refreshed mind from your walk!

6. Workout and stretching if you find you sit a lot during the day at your job.

My final tip is:

7. Meditating! I find meditating very useful for not only clearing my mind, but also for spiritual purposes as well, especially when I’m trying to figure out what are the next steps I need to take for my endeavors and such… also, it really helps with general well-being and such!

I hope those are helpful, and hey if you have any other tips that have worked for you, please leave them in the comments!

(Your Canadian Goth / Rivethead)

Here's to embracing the isolation,

Shayne “Daemon_w60” Lawrence / Twitch


P.S.: The tips are what have worked for me, they may not necessarily work for others, in the end, you gotta find what works for you!

P.P.S.: It's really funny that this evening (December 9/2019) I end up having a conversation, after the fact of writing this blog, about the topic of isolation. Thanks for the convo lady (not sure you want me to mention your name here, but thank you for the conversation)!

Skinny Puppy: Rabies Turns 30!

Apparently, this is 30 years old now... I was too young to appreciate it when it came out (I was 11, lol), but this is a great album! I will say it is probably not my favorite album of theirs, but it is good! "Rodent", "Worlock", and "Choralone" are probably my favorites off of this album ("Tin Omen" might be in there too)! I remember I bought this particular album when I went on a Skinny Puppy spending spree and found this at the A&B Sound in downtown Calgary! If I remember correctly I got several of their albums on sale... got me Skinny Puppy fix in one go! I think for me, what I really enjoy is figuring out how they created these songs (or any of their songs for that matter), it is highly inspiring to try to figure out how they went about in writing these songs and figure out the "sound design" that went into creating the different tracks and such! I will tell you another memory regarding Skinny Puppy and some random goth I never had the chance to meet... long story short, before I was a babybat... when I was starting to discover myself... and figure out what I like, I remember being on the bus... can't remember if I was going to school or what exactly I was doing on the bus... but, I remember we passed a bus stop close to the "arty" area in Saskatoon (Broadway Ave.) and there was this dude sitting at the Bus stop, his hair was all done up kind of like old school Skinny Puppy (deathrock) style (Leeb era), with tons of hairspray and dyed black, he was wearing a black trench coat... and yeah... I wasn't quite a babybat then, but I will tell you, I loved his look, I loved the clothing, just the general darkness that surrounded him... pretty sure he had make-up on too... Then not entirely sure when I had seen that look again when I encountered Skinny Puppy for the first or second time (maybe I saw an interview on TV, or maybe after I purchased "Back & Forth: 3 + 4" and checked out the digital content that was included on the two discs)... but yeah... if that guy hadn't been sitting at the bus stop, I probably wouldn't have been interested in discovering what the scene was about... when I saw him, I was attracted to the darkness... I was curious what the darkness inside of me was...

Yeah, memories...

Curious what attracted you to the goth scene? (I get Skinny Puppy aren't exactly a goth band, but if it wasn't for that dude dressing the way he did, I wouldn't be doing what I do now... I wouldn't have discovered myself, or the scene).

Wax Trax! Records and My Current Obsession

Well, lately I've been really digging the Wax Trax! back-catalog... I've been trying to listen to as much of it as possible lately, scouring YouTube and various other sites for playlists of old Wax Trax! era albums and bands signed to that label. I'm not even sure why I've been sooo obsessed with finding that stuff... I think it might be because I was too young to appreciate the music that came off that label, and now when I find stuff (in particular the industrial music related stuff), I love listening to it and can't seem to get enough... it evokes a certain feeling in me, like I'm almost living in that time and experiencing the music that was being put out in that time... but with the added aspect of also appreciating the bands that were on that label, that still exist today... and really enjoying it, cause a lot of them were my heroes (Al Jourgenson; Ministry and Revolting Cocks, Chris Connelly, Front Line Assembly, C-Tec, KMFDM, Cubanate... and others). I think the other thing is, being that the Wax Trax! documentary came out... it is really interesting to see how that label brought industrial to the Westerner (American) masses, and also helped spawn countless industrial side-projects (a lot of them with Al Jourgenson), and brought the "Ultra-Heavy Beat" (KMFDM) here, as well as several others (EBM pioneers Front 242, anyone?)! If it wasn't for Wax Trax! a lot of the music in the goth/industrial scene wouldn't exist, and industrial wouldn't have evolved the way it did... they were truly pioneers when it came to bringing that kind of music here! I will also say it's really great to see these bands nowadays, and seeing these fucking legends in industrial music... Like when Paul Barker (Lead Into Gold) rolled through here... it was sooo amazing! I got to see a part of industrial music history that, I never thought I would experience... seeing this legend and pioneer! I've also seen Ministry roll through here a couple of times as well, as well as Cubanate, and KMFDM... and also saw Chris Connelly in his project Cocksure (I realize that's not Wax Trax!, but just seeing him is fuckin amazing... as I never thought I would see one of the legends of industrial music history)! Yeah, I don't know how much more I can gush here... but it's just amazing to hear and see these legends and really appreciate the history that they created and the music that is associated with that... I love industrial music, and the scene... and I love digging into the history, and listening and reading about it... I really can't get enough... I'm sure as time passes I'll move onto something else that will interest me musically... like Skinny Puppy's back catalogue or even recent releases... I find that fascinating as well... same time, different place!

Here's some videos for you to enjoy!!

What industrial music are you obsessing over right now? I would like to hear your thoughts... there's sooo much good shit out there!

Thoughts on Dystopia: RANT TIME

**BEGIN RANT**

Well, it seems like a lot of people out there are saying we are currently living in a dystopia because of current politics and what is going on in the world right now. And it seems as though people are almost romanticizing the idea... Truthfully speaking, I love cyberpunk fiction. However that form of fiction was written as a warning to not tread the path laid out in those stories... it was meant to be a warning to not end up in a dystopia. (EDIT: Dystopia isn't fun. When the fiction was created, it was meant to be a warning for us not to end up in that situation! William Gibson was intelligent enough to know that this could be a possibility if we don't do something about the situation we are in... what I am saying here, is if he was intelligent enough to see and know that, then we are intelligent enough, to not end up in that situation!) I also think we are not living in a dystopia... and quite frankly, I'm willing to do anything, so we don't end up in that reality. And, here's my point, if you truly don't want to live in a dystopia, go out there, get involved in a local charity, or a cause of some kind... stop fuckin saying we live in a dystopia, and start actually doing something about what is going on around you and your fucking communities... I actually view being in a dystopia, is not a good thing, it's not an intelligent thing... I think we as a human species are more intelligent than to let something like that become a reality! If you truly don't want to live in a dystopia, get out there, get involved in your communities, make the world a better place, cause if you don't, we'll certainly end up in that reality!


By saying we live in a dystopia, means you've already given up, and you are ok with what is going on around you... you've thrown in the towel, and accepted that it is not possible to do anything about the world situation, the political situation. You think when we went to war in World War II that we thought that nothing could be done about that whole situation..? People gave their lives so we could have our freedom... and they changed the world for the better for us! It is not impossible, if we put our minds to it, we can change the world!

Once again; as with the last rant: Violence should be the last resort!!

**END RANT**

Note: I know I've ranted about this before, but I want to get across the point, you have the power to change things! No matter how big or how small! If it wasn't possible, what is the fuckin point, we might as well lay down and let the world end... Sorry folks, that's the reality of life, if we can't affect change within ourselves and ultimately influence others to take action... then why live?! Each one of us has the ability to change! You are not fated to do anything, society isn't fated to do anything... You always have a choice, and you will always have the ability to change, and in doing so, you influence others to take action! That's all I gotta say.

EDIT 2: I removed something earlier… and censored my blog a little bit… and now I feel I should have left it in, with a bit of an explanation… so I’m putting this back in it; the reality of Dystopia, is that corporations rule… Government pays lip-service to the people and capitalism has run rampant, with no checks and balances. Secret wars are going on, mega-corporations are taking out competing corporate executives by hiring, hired-guns, or anyone that is a threat, or could pose a threat… everyone carries weapons, cause no one knows who’s next and is not sure who is competing against them for the same space. Violence is normalized… no one is safe. What I had taken out of the blog is, I don’t want this to happen… and quite frankly, the idea of me picking up a weapon, whatever it is… to protect myself is something that I don’t want to do (violence actually makes me physically sick; one of the reasons why I can’t watch horror movies anymore, or even watch violent movies and shit, or even the news for that matter, cause there is too much negativity, and too much violence)… I believe in peace… maybe not a true peace (we still have to be able to defend ourselves, cause unfortunately there is people out in the world that want to hurt you), but I definitely believe in peace! I also believe that we will overcome the current world situation, by accepting each others differences (that doesn’t mean you have to believe what I believe, but accept that we are all different… and as long as you are not infringing on anyone’s rights, or going out there hurting someone [I believe we all have a right to life], and you can change and grow within those beliefs then that is for you)… This can all be done without violence, I believe we will overcome it without violence. What I was getting at in this blog Rant is; there seems to be a lot of people in our community (especially, the goth/industrial community), that are saying that we are living in a dystopia, and the idea is almost romanticised… and what I am trying to articulate is… if you truly think we are in a dystopia, or we are on the verge of becoming a dystopic society here in Canada or even the U.S., is go out there and get involved in your communities, donate time to a charity or worthy cause… whether it’s volunteering at the local drop-in centre or raising awareness for mental health issues. Do something to circumvent the dystopia! It’s one thing to say we are living in a dystopia, or are on the brink of becoming a dystopia… but if you are not taking any actions to circumvent it, then we will truly end up in that situation, if you truly don’t want it to happen, go out there and get involved in your communities and make the world a better place! I realize it’s one thing for me to rant about it on the internet and social media… but I’m already, working on the making the world a better place part ;) ! We can’t make the world a better place, unless all of us are doing it together!

I hope I got my point across!


What are your thoughts?

Documentary - The Great Hack

We all know what the political climate is like right now, we all know that because of social media being exploited, "hacked" and politicians using it to manipulate the general populace, the results of the election didn't turn out for the good, and there is a joke of a president in power... who is only interested in benefiting himself and his family. If you are curious how social media was involved and used to manipulate people, then watch "The Great Hack" on Netflix! Such an excellent documentary! A little commentary here: If the laws change around the internet and social media to not be able to use our data without our permission, and fake news also not being allowed, we might be in a better place, but so far nothing has really changed all that much... which means this shit can still happen... as you'll see in this documentary, know that your data can be used against you, and used to manipulate you... You would not believe how much data your leaving online with simple interactions, even with playing "games", such as those online "fun" questionnaires (eg: what is your spirit animal, etc).

Terminus Override 2019

It's been another year, another festival... this year there wasn't a lot I wanted to see, but I do feel it's important to support these things! Here were some of the bands I was looking forward to seeing:

Freak Dream:

They were the surprise for me for this years festival. Wasn't too sure what to expect, actually hadn't heard very much of their music previous to their set. Although, I had heard a podcast (if I'm not mistaken) with an interview of the lead singer and main songwriter Elliot. Their performance was excellent! Their music is a mix of indie rock with industrial elements.

Neuroticfish:

I've never seen Neuroticfish before, but I've generally enjoyed their music (my favorite song is their cover of "They're Coming to Take Me Away!"). Their performance was excellent!

RabbitJunk:

I walked in part way through RabbitJunk's set, but their performance was excellent! I really dig the digital hardcore sound and the breaks! I did see them a few years ago at a previous Terminus (can't remember which one), I didn't really enjoy them all that much at the time, but this time I though their set was good!

Haujobb:

Everyone knows, Haujobb puts on excellent performances! This one is no different! Excellent performance!!

HEALTH:

This was the main band I wanted to see this year! Their set was excellent! Although, I did find it a little mellow, but maybe that's how their music translates into the live spectrum, mellow and cerebral.

Standalone:

Standalone was another band I wanted to check out this year, I really enjoyed when he brought his other project Hate Dept. here to Calgary for one of the Terminus's (there's been so many now, that I can't remember which one he was at), and I was interested to see what this particular endeavor is about! It was just him on stage, with some synths and some percussion instruments, and him doing vocals! It was an excellent set!

OHMelectronic:

I originally heard OHMelectronic on a podcast interview, by IDie:YouDie, and was interested cause Craig Huxtable used to be in a project (not sure if he still is) called Landscape Body Machine which has some history here in Calgary, as that particular project was signed to a label here called: Interdimensional Industries! So, after they were announced to play Terminus, I knew I definitely wanted to check out their set! They put on an excellent show!

Covenant:

I didn't take any photos/videos of Covenant... but Eskil and crew were in top form and put on an excellent show! The last time they rolled through here Eskil was pretty drunk and fumbled the lyrics for some of the songs, but it seemed this time he was sober and pulled off the set flawlessly!

That's it for this year!! I will be honest, I did find this year a little mellow and lackluster lineup-wise (not a lot of the harder acts), but there were still some things I wanted to check out! I will also say, I was a little anti-social this year, really didn't want to communicate unless it was my close social circle of friends, so I do apologize if I didn't chat with you, or was in a party mood (not really drinking all that much these days right now)... These last few months I've been really reflecting on what is going on with my life and where I want to be in life... and looking at the time I have left with it (yes, who know's when an individual is gonna die, but I turned 41 this year, and I'm really trying to put the right steps forward, to a long and good future)! I guess the other part that affects this is, I'm waiting on some stuff to get finished for this next album I'm working on, and I find it really difficult to stay fucking mentally healthy when there is really nothing I can do musically (doing music stuff is basically my sanity), and I've done everything I can for now, for this upcoming stuff... so just trying to find stuff to occupy my time with, to stay mentally healthy... I'm managing, but yeah, sometimes it's difficult, cause I'm used to constantly working on music, or music related stuff all the fucking time (within reason)... Anyway, love you guys, and thank you Chris and Ambor for putting this on for it's 8th year now! I'm glad I have a home with like minded people, and a place where I can feel safe!

The Online World: Lost in Translation

I think their needs to be something said about social media and the online world, and online communities... the problem with writing posts online, and texts, and emails... is we don't quite understand context... like when you are talking to someone in person, you see their body language, you hear their voice inflections... you basically get a sense of what a person is trying to articulate (you may be able to tell if they are agitated, or anxious, or even angry)... in the online world, it is completely different; you don't see someone's body language, you don't hear their vocal inflections, text on a screen does not accurately articulate what point someone is trying to get across. It is nice that we can communicate online, but in the end, we do not understand what a person is truly trying to articulate cause through text we can't articulate those things that we can only say and do in person. Sure, there's emojis and shit to give someone a general sense of "ok, this person might be angry..." or "ok, this guy is happy, or laughing", but in the end, even emoji's can't truly show an individual what is going on on the other end of the screen! Don't get me wrong, I like being connected online and in the digital world, social media and the various online forums and communities are a nice tool to use to connect with people across oceans, but I will say it can only do so much to get our points across, to truly know what a person is trying to articulate, you need to be in the room with them, you need to hear them, their voice, you need to see their body language. I'm not saying unplug from the net, what I'm saying is, take these things into consideration when conversing/communicating with people online... a lot can be lost in translation from person-to-text-to-person... and hey I mean, the irony here is I'm communicating this thought with you online via a blogging app... but if you want to have an in person conversation, feel free to call me or message me and we can arrange to meet!! Obviously, I'm not gonna meet with someone that isn't within my community... still gotta play safe folks... but if you are in my community (you know who you are 😉) feel free to message or call me!

What are your thought's on this subject? Do you feel we can articulate our points and opinions and all the other shit well online, or do you think something get's lost in the translation?

Mistakes and Learning from your Past

Well, I just want to say something here, especially about mistakes, and learning from your past. What I'm finding is, a lot of people (especially) in the online social media communities are quite reactionary and aren't really thinking about what they are saying and the example they are setting for others... This is true of everyone; we all make mistakes, no one is perfect (I have made plenty of mistakes, and paid for them too)... that includes politicians, police, military, everyone... every single person on this planet has made a mistake... some people are paying for their mistakes in the penitentiary system, some of them are paying for them by doing probation in society, or community service... some of them have learned them by being called out by their family or friends... No one, absolutely no one is pure... if we didn't make mistakes, how the fuck are we supposed to learn and make amends, and rehabilitate... I'm not gonna point any fingers here, but I'll give an example... remember the guy on the Greyhound bus that decapitated a kid... I'm sure most of you remember that story... that guy is now walking free in society... after the incident, he was given a psychological assessment, they found he had a mental illness, and that whole incident was the result of his mental illness... after serving a period of time in jail (or whatever correctional institution he was in), with being monitored, he was given the go to be released back into society, because he was doing well, and realized the error of his mistake, and is now on a serious dose of medication (that story is here)... There were a lot of people pissed off about that, because he served very little time (the family of the victim wanted him to remain in jail), but I think that's what people are forgetting... the idea of jail is in the end we want to rehabilitate these people, and get them to be a functioning member of society... that is the key, jail is not meant to be a revenge on the perpetrator of a crime (that is why they are called correctional facilities)... Granted there's people who get released into society that probably shouldn't be, but there are also people who have rehabilitated and should be given a chance to be integrated into normal society again (I'm sure some of you will block me, or even have some choice words, or this post gets blocked or flagged or whatever, but quite frankly I'm not afraid to say it, cause we have to be aware that we all make mistakes, and we should all be given a chance to correct them and learn from them), I think that's my point... everyone should be given the chance to correct their mistakes and learn from them, to be rehabilitated... Maybe this is an unpopular topic, but I think it needs to be said, cause if we are truly human, we need to give people this ability, we need to give them the ability to make amends.

Note: I'm not an apologist here either... I do realize sometimes people have to remain in jail for the rest of their lives cause they can't be rehabilitated currently (cause we don't know how to fix them), or being in jail the rest of their lives is how they rehabilitate. What I'm trying to point out here is that we do have to let people make amends and heal/rehabilitate (if they can)... I mean look at anyone's life... how many times have you or your friend fucked up, or made a mistake and your friends understand that and have given you a chance to make amends?? I'm also not saying that these mistakes or whatever are right, what I'm saying is that everybody makes them, and should be given a chance to make amends (as I stated earlier).

What do you folks think?

Mental Health and Music

There was an recent article released about how 73% of independent musicians are affected by mental health issues, or worry about their mental health, which you can read here! I'm gonna be honest with you, I'm not surprised with the study, and to me it's always been obvious that this has been the case... musicians and artists typically use their music as a means of therapy, to get out the issues and things that they've been struggling with... when you add the business side to things and trying to succeed within that business, and trying to make a living... the pressure can be great. I will be honest, I struggled with mental health issues for a number of years. There was actually a period of 4 or 5 years that I lost to mental health issues (not focusing on music, and not progressing musically), and sometimes it bothers me that I lost that period of time, as I could've been pushing my music career forward, rather than dealing with mental health. I would say that, I do realize that now, and I have figured out ways to cope... and even though I'm behind, and not where I want to be musically, I would say that if it wasn't for those 4 or 5 years, I would probably be in a much worse place... I wouldn't have the coping skills that I have now, and I might have been locked in some mental institution or something like that. I also realized that, yes, I do have to do music... it is a requirement for my mental health... I realized, when I'm not focused on it, or music related stuff, my mental health declines... course there are other aspects too... obviously that can't be the only focus, being healthy physically and spiritually is also, essential too! Without that whole picture I or anybody for that matter would be struggling mentally. Each of those pieces are important! I think the one thing that is worrisome and pisses me off, is that here in Canada... the province I live in (Alberta), there has been a conservative government elected in, and I will not be surprised if mental health initiatives and funding for people who are using mental health supports will see cuts! We'll see people having to move out of their homes because they can't afford to pay rent, or pay for food, or medications or whatever... We'll see a lot of them being dumped on the streets... and the government doesn't care... I know when Stephen Harper was in power... he thought mentally-ill people should be in jail or locked up in institutions. Unfortunately, this new Premier, Jason Kenny, worked with Stephen Harper, and has even more extreme views than his Prime Minister friend... I think that is why it's important to remain strong and don't give up, cause most of us know, having a mental illness or mental health issues, doesn't make you a criminal... and I would also say to any musician/artist that... use this situation or similar situations in your writing and art, as the world needs your voice, and we can only overcome this by raising awareness of these issues, and destroying any stigma attached to mental health issues!

We shouldn't have to feel afraid for speaking out.

Sometimes shit needs to be said, sometimes we need to bring awareness or speak out when something isn't right... or an issue that needs to be dealt with. With any issue there is definitely apprehension of; if you speak out what is going to happen..? Will you be shut-down..? Will you be ridiculed..? Will you be detained or arrested..? Will you be singled-out and made an example of..? Will someone get violent with you..? All of these things are a possibility... and I think one of the key things here is... most people want to hide away, they want to remain ignorant, they don't want to have to deal with the unfamiliar, or the uncomfortable... cause the less they have to deal with, the less they feel responsible for it. The fear of the unknown is what shuts people down... people are so afraid to step out, cause they feel, most of the time, that makes them feel alone, that makes them feel like a target, and truth be told... that can and does happen. When you step out and call-out shit that isn't right, you will invariably be targeted by people that are so firm in their ignorance that they will do anything to remain ignorant, because they don't feel safe, and the thought of them changing their mind and realizing these truths is so uncomfortable that they are almost willing to do anything to remain in that ignorance. In awareness of these things, here is the ultimate answer; we are all gonna die someday, and most of us don't know when we are gonna die, could be crossing the street, could be shot, could be in our sleep, or if we are lucky, we'll live into our 90's (maybe into our 100's; if health is in our favor)... we don't know... here's some questions for ya, that only you can answer:

How much time do you think you have left?

What do you want to do with your life?

What can be worse than regret?

Question...

Question: Does a system that leaves someone behind, or falls through the cracks a functional system?

Photo credit: Christopher Furlong/Getty Images

Answer: No, a functional system would not leave people behind or let them fall through the cracks…

BUT, no system (currently) is perfect, and we have to work together to make the world a better place!